


it will only hurt if you let it

by starstruck_xavier



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Fidgeting, Hurt Logan, Hurt/Comfort, Logan Needs A Hug, Logan has FEELINGS, Sad Logan, Sad Roman, Sad Virgil, Very Light Fluff, crying logan, cuddles if you squint, injured logan, janus is barely there, logan and virgil talk about feelings, patton and roman appear at the end, putting others first spoilers, rated teen for one (1) swear, remus only mentioned, romance is not implied, ship can be seen as platonic or romantic, takes place after putting others first, the title is in lapslock but i capitalised the story correctly, thomas is also only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstruck_xavier/pseuds/starstruck_xavier
Summary: "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it."Logan and Virgil talk after the events of Putting Others First.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 155





	it will only hurt if you let it

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy this!! my tumblr is starstruck-xavier and i post mainly sanders sides content, art and theories so go n scream at me there! i started writing this like a day after yvy came out but i took ages to finish it but i finally did loll so pls comment if you like it and have funn

Logan materialised again in the mind palace, feeling a multitude of things; dejected, lightheaded and a pain in his side coming from that cane that pulled him away from the discussion. After being thrown around from within his text box, actively ignored and disregarded, he couldn’t come up with any words to describe his current mental state other than  _ shitty _ .  
  


The logical trait found himself in the kitchen of the mindscape, about to reach for the coffee machine yet again to keep himself coherent just in case he was actually needed. A seedling of doubt planted itself in that thought, making him hesitate, but he started the machine anyway. The sound drowned out the faint discourse and what sounded like laughter going on in the real world, allowing him to put his mind at ease for only a few blissful moments.  
  


Logan knew that in order to perform his job at its highest efficiency he’d need less coffee and more actual sleep. However, it appeared obvious to him that Deceit had everything covered, seeing how he had easily replaced him without anyone else knowing. Heck, they only found out he’d been impersonated because Deceit decided to reveal himself! Logan sighed sadly. There was likely a mild bruise forming where the cane had snagged him, making him fixate on that lasting pain as he brought the fresh coffee mug up to his lips, fogging his glasses. The faint breeze of Roman entering the mindscape, directly to his room, touched his being in such a subtle way that, if he wasn’t already thinking about it, he wouldn’t have noticed at all.  
  


It was only after a moment of thinking about that breeze that Logan also felt the feeling of being watched. The sound of someone clearing their throat made it to his ears in time for him to whirl around towards the countertop.  
  


“Ah— Virgil, greetings.” Logan set his mug on a different counter before he could spill the beverage in his surprise. Virgil raised an eyebrow, looking equally as troubled as him. One foot had been pulled up to rest on the countertop too, which Logan would’ve pointed out was unhygienic if there wasn’t such a depressing feeling hanging thickly in the air.  
  


“I've been here for, like, ten minutes and you didn’t notice? What’s up with you today?”  
  


Logan hummed shortly. “It’s a lot to explain, or even think about, in regards to today’s discussion with Thomas.”  
  


“Well, I don’t have anything else to do, so I’ll listen.” The logical trait sighed before taking a sip of his coffee and returning the mug to the counter.  
  


“I thought I’d provide my usual studies, examples and facts to keep the conversation from going too off track. I took the less physical form of a video game character with a text box because we have learned in the past that serious topics can be discussed in different ways. It seemed that Roman and Patton were attempting to explain what they thought by using video game metaphors, so this seemed fitting. I had previously acknowledged that my philosophical and psychological examples are not always received well by the group, so I gave them the option to ignore me. I just suppose I didn’t expect to be… uh— to be actually ignored so blatantly.”  
  


Virgil frowned, letting both of his legs dangle off the surface and rocking backwards and forwards just slightly. “I wish I could’ve been there to listen to you.”  
  


Before Logan could say another word, the slightly muffled words of the real-world discussion drew their attention.  
  


_ “Janus?”  
  
_

_ “I’ll take care of him.”  
  
_

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Oh. Whoa. Well.” The rocking increased a little as he let the words play through his head, as if confirming he actually heard the name. “He finally told him.”

  
“Deceit’s name is Janus?” Logan inquired, to which Virgil hummed in affirmation through a bitten lower lip. The familiar breeze of Patton returning to his own room ran its course too. Meanwhile, the two inferred a continued conversation between Thomas and Janus. Nevertheless, Logan picked up his original question again. “Why couldn’t you make it, Virge?”  
  


“Janus got Remus to distract me so I couldn’t interrupt his plans, or whatever. I just kept asking Remus what he was doing and eventually he caved and told me that Janus didn’t want me in the way for when he went out to help everyone come to a conclusion. As much as I know that I would’ve definitely been in his way just because I can’t help badmouthing him, I think… what he’s told Thomas is going to help him restore his mental health, which does help me out, ‘cause right now I feel awful.” Virgil almost looked guilty in the way that he fiddled with his jacket whilst wearing such a downcast expression.  
  


Before Logan could stop himself, he remarked, “You’re not the only one.”  
  


Virgil glanced up again. “What do you mean, Lo? Are you okay?”  
  


“I— I mean,” The logical trait took a seat on one of the stools in the room as he tried to assemble his words. “I’m… a little frustrated. Patton asked me what I thought and then when I tried to talk he seemingly changed his mind. De— Janus… he pulled me away with his cane and replaced me for a while.” Logan held his mug up to his glasses again, hoping the steam would hide the hurt in his eyes. “No one noticed.”  
  


“Oh, Lo.” Virgil hopped off the counter and took a few steps closer. “Are you hurt at all? Don’t lie.”  
  


Logan set his mug on the counter again before feeling the bruised area to check it was still hurting. “Just a little. Got a cane pulled into my ribs and all that, but I should be okay.” The added sentiment didn’t help Virgil’s anxious demeanour. He was silent for a moment, seemingly in deep thought. Finally, it seemed that Janus had returned to the mindscape too, the displaced air barely felt.  
  


“Logan?” Virgil didn’t make eye contact, making a regular tapping sound with his knuckles next to Logan’s mug.  
  


“Yes, Virge?”  
  


“When Thomas first met Remus, and he injured you like that, you felt that too?” Logan saw the alarm creeping onto Virgil’s face, quickly conjuring the anxious trait’s favourite fidget cube and handing it over to him.  
  


“Well, Remus on his own is quite easy to handle. Since we’re not real, if you tell yourself that it will only hurt if you let it, the pain can quickly go away. I had mentally prepared myself for Remus’ antics ever since Thomas began to feel troubled the previous night, therefore that didn’t really hurt me. This situation was a little different, though. I just can’t shake the thought that I wasn’t actually needed and that I got hurt for no reason. So, the pain seems to be running its course.”  
  


Virgil pressed the buttons on his cube, attempting a deep breath as he did so. “Logan, you’re always needed. When you cooperate with Roman, you can help Thomas to focus on his smaller goals before taking unnecessary risks with bigger ones. You and Patton help Thomas to build life skills like cooking so that he can be a more functioning adult. You can ground me when I’m being too much. You can very quickly shut down Remus and… you have the facts to debunk Janus’ lies. Without you, every part of Thomas would go crazy.”  
  


Logan smiled sadly. “I think everyone else can lose sight of that. It’s appreciated that you don’t, though. You’re my only hope sometimes.” He chuckled, feeling that heart-clenching feeling that always preceded tears. Virgil noticed how Logan turned his head to the side in an effort to force that feeling down.  
  


“You’re allowed to cry, Lo. It’s only us. No one minds if you do, anyway.” The anxious trait took Logan’s hand for comfort, watching as his eyes began to redden with the salty solution. “Eventually people reach their limit for this kind of thing. You’ve been hurt a lot more than the rest of us. I will say I’ve never really been hurt by another side - it’s almost as if I’m out of bounds for slapstick - but I know that pain affects us. It’s alright to not want to get hurt.”  
  


With each word, the feeling continued to rise until Logan couldn’t control the pool of tears spilling onto his cheeks. His eyes scrunched at the corners and he removed his glasses with his free hand, blurring his vision even more. Virgil let go of his hand for a moment; Logan could only hear the sound of another chair being moved to touch his, then Virgil sat close to him and secured an arm around the middle of his back, careful not to touch where it hurt. Logan let the sobs wrack his body softly, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about his current state as he fidgeted with the glasses in his hands. Suddenly the pain felt so much worse, and he audibly winced as he leaned further into Virgil’s comforting touch.  
  


“Is it hurting, Logan?” Virgil asked softly, tracing circles into Logan’s back with his thumb. Logan could only nod, one hand clamped over his mouth as if he was scared to cry louder. “Just remember,” Virgil echoed the logical trait’s words from earlier. “It will only hurt if you let it. You are needed and you should be listened to. You don’t deserve to hurt.”  
  


It took a few minutes, but eventually, Logan was able to hang onto what Virgil had said. He was logic - they were all supposed to listen to him. The pain began to lessen, only pulsing quietly. Moving his hands to wipe his tears away, Logan managed a heavy sigh, his mind still on the bruising. Virgil continued the steady circle motion, using his other hand to take Logan’s.  
  


“Are you okay?”  
  


“Not fully, but better.” Logan’s voice sounded strained from the emotional outburst he had finally let out, and the pain still made itself known, but the worst was over. “Thank you, Virgil.”  
  


“Oh, it’s no problem, dude.” The ghost of a smile traced Virgil’s face. “I know that I’m usually the side who needs constant reassurance, but I'm here if you ever want to vent.”  
  


Logan nodded. “Likewise.”  
  


The silence that fell over the two afterwards felt comfortable; Virgil continued his comforting motions and Logan finished his coffee, the bruising completely slipping his mind. It was nice. Only a few minutes passed before Patton’s footsteps could be heard padding over to them and he was apologising for disregarding Logan, and Logan said it was okay. The paternal trait began talking about the discussion, bringing the two up to speed on everything. Perhaps Virgil felt too worn out after a mentally taxing day for Thomas to care too much that Janus was being trusted, or maybe he was finally growing to accept it. The atmosphere in the mind palace thinned out to allow room for deep breaths, laughs and kind smiles. Even when Roman appeared from his room with puffy, regretful eyes, he was pulled into the fun and quickly cheered up.  
  


Logan hadn’t wanted to talk about it before, but now he didn’t need to. Virgil remained by his side while the four of them chatted about miscellaneous things and sang whatever songs got stuck in Thomas’ head. At one point the two shared a look; maybe it was going to improve from here.  
  


They were both ready to accept that.


End file.
